How to soften the heart of a hard-hearted security guard

Mean stone hearted security guard

You rush all the way to the shop or to an office in town. Your aim is to make a last minute purchase or payment which is truly a matter of life or death. You have exactly five minutes to get there. You arrive with two minutes to spare but making your way through the after-work crowd delays you and by the time you arrive at the doors of your destination, the security guard has closed the doors.

The only people with the privilege of doing any transactions are those who made it inside before the doors were locked. The security guard is uncompromising. He turns a deaf ear to your pleas and seems to take pride in the fact that you are at his mercy. He will let you grovel and beg just to get a kick out of it all; not that it will melt his heart though.

What to do, what to do? Unfortunately for those with an ego, this is NOT an alternative to grovelling. It is merely a different and more sophisticated form of grovelling. One thing that many security guards love more than casting threatening glances at passers-by with baton stick in hand, is being high up on the pedestal of law enforcers. It is unfortunate that the services of the security guard are viewed as inferior to those of the police, army and other security organisations. Due to this general stereotypical attitude, a more positive viewpoint is likely to melt the hardest of hearts.

My magical word is "Officer." When begging to be allowed in, say in the meekest of voices now and again the words: "I beg of you officer." The more he hears these words, the more elevated he will become until at last; voila! The doors will be opened without fear but with favour. Try it and tell me if it does not work wonders!